Get Out of the Home – the Home Office, that is!

Carolina Improv Company's remote office at Collins + Company

I haven’t blogged in nearly seven months! I’m not exactly sure why but I have some ideas. Perhaps I feel guilty about blogging. It takes time to do and it steals time from what I perceive (or perceive that others perceive) to be a more productive and efficient use of my time. I’m trying to successfully run two businesses (Carolina Improv Company and Uptown Theater) with limited resources and assistance in the loneliness of my home. In addition I have a little thing called a wedding coming up in October that I should also be working on and feel guilty about. With so many priorities, how could I possibly find time to write a blog? And yes, I know, I find time to Facebook and Twitter, but that’s like walking to the water cooler to find someone to talk to for a few minutes while the boss isn’t looking. And if you work from home you understand what I’m talking about. It gets lonely, even with “Law & Order” reruns running in the background as white noise. The dogs are sweet and cute but not helpful  … and they are demanding of my attention (like high maintenance employees) “take me out”, “feed me”, “look at that cat across the street”, “Lola won’t share her treat”.

When you own a business you are supposed to revisit your business plan every year. I’m two years behind in revisiting one and six months behind in revisiting the other. I’ve realized that I’ve been hiding behind the “urgent” things (marketing, admin, operations) instead of attending to the “important” things (strategy, vision, sales, financial). So, I started delegating to and asking for help from those in our organizations and that’s been amazingly helpful on the “urgent” side of things. Awesome, I made room for the “important” and then I hit a wall. The “important” things take deep thought, brainstorming, visioning and other activities that require creativity and innovative thinking. No problem – I’m thoughtful, creative and have vision. Piece of cake, right? Stale, hard-to-eat cake, more like, and maybe because the "important" still wasn’t happening.

And then I went to a conference in my industry. The The Applied Improv Network (AIN) Conference in June 2011 and it slowly became clear to me. All of a sudden I was surrounded by 100+ applied improv practitioners who do what I’m trying to do and the creativity and energy was both inspirational and motivational … not to mention satisfying to my need for empathy from others. We all need people to relate to – it gives us a sense of belonging and helps justify and/or support our needs and goals in our personal and professional lives. More importantly I work in an industry that centers around applying improv techniques to collaboration, teamwork, leadership, etc. Talk about an oxymoron – I spend my days alone WITHOUT a team or group dynamic to bounce off of. OH MY GOODNESS! I’ve become a fish-out-of-water and didn’t realize it. I’ve been gasping for the oxygen of others. And note that I still didn’t even realize this core emotion until now as I write this.

Prior to this epiphany, at this very moment, one of my biggest take-aways from the conference came from a panel of veteran improv practitioners who gave advice about our industry. And this man Bard (pronounced “bored”) said, “Do not start your business out of your home. Find a coffee club of other entrepreneurs. Find an ad agency with creative types that can inspire you. Just don’t work at home.” Oops – “too late” is what I inwardly cried to myself. Ah, but I’m an improviser. It’s NOT too late! “Explore and heighten” is our mantra. Just because I started working from home doesn’t mean I have to STAY working at home. I can still get out. I also need to share that I DO actually have a real office at our theater (Uptown), but there’s no one there but me and I said to myself “If I’m going to be alone, I might as well be comfortable at home, save money on gas, save money on lunch ….” and every other justification I could come up with.

The bottom-line was that working alone has stifled my creative self. I thrive on human interaction and collaboration. I NEED ideas and suggestions from others to build upon and I need this more than ever or my collaboration muscle will continue to atrophy. I need the oxygen of others. So, as soon as I returned from the conference I sought out the very short list of ad agencies in our area and I simply asked, “Can I hang out at your office if you have any spare space?” And without hesitation (or too much), someone said “yes” to me later that day. It was just that easy. Another ironic thing is that in the world of improv we practice and preach the concept of “yes, and”. I had almost forgotten how to “yes, and” myself and put out offers for others to “yes, and”. The chances of someone saying yes are at least 50%, but if you have no one to ask for a yes, the chances increase to 100%. Basic math. We need people around us to improve the odds of getting a “yes” – of moving forward and progressing to the next level in life and work.

This week I started working from my remote office of Collins + Company. I knew I would love it the second I walked in to visit. The music playing, the sunny colors, the sound of people talking and laughing, the energy … and at least five more people to add to my network who don’t really know me yet, but let me in without reservation. I had planned on going only once this week, but the energy was so great that I re-arranged my schedule to be there twice. There I sit in the conference room and every now and then someone pops in to chat about something … my business, their business, personal things like “why do we procrastinate?” or “do you know what the theme of this playlist (on the IPOD) is?” I even reviewed an intern’s resume and gave advice. My collaboration and creative muscles are stronger already this week. AND, while one could think that one could become distracted by others throughout the day, I welcome these types of distractions instead of being distracted by the laundry, the dogs, the retired neighbors knocking on my door because they see my car in the drive way.

The biggest benefit so far is the mere exposure to idea people. And while I’ve often become irritated when people say “you know what you should do?”, I welcome it in this environment. I used to take that as a judgment from others that I didn’t know what I was doing. And the “yes, and” technique helps me at least listen to what others have to say because maybe I don’t know everything OR maybe I forgot about something so basic, such as putting video clips from our show on Facebook every day to continue to educate people about our business. Many new ideas have come out of this week and the "new office"! The dogs, nor the neighbors, have ever given me such good ideas!

And oh yeah, I’m blogging again! Welcome back creative muscle!

Success Through Attitude & Environment

William Clement Stone (May 4, 1902 – September 3, 2002), business man, philanthropist, Nobel Peace Prize nominee and co-author of “Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude” is the guy who said:

“You are a product of your environment. So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success - or are they holding you back?”

I'm a huge advocate of this and have been since my teens when my father (Carmen Trimarco, 1920-1990) retired after a heart attack. My father lived by a philosophy of "don't be a cry baby" and "work hard to get where you want to get." Being a daddy's girl, I lived to please my dad because I admired him so much. I'm so much like him and proud of that (with the exception of the cry baby thing - I still do that occasionally). My father was much older, as I've mentioned in other blogs, and this affected us financially when he got sick. At 14 I went out and got a job because I felt guilty asking my parents for money they didn't have to pay for things I wanted. At that point we only my father's social security, pension and my mom's tip money from waiting tables to live on ... plus anything that might have "fallen off a truck". More about that later.


My father, Carmen Trimarco (1920-1990)


I was no stranger to working at 14. That wasn't my first job. My first job was working in a flea market at 11 or 12 (or younger?). My father was what I call a "hustler" - he hustled to put food on the table. He drove a truck from 9-5 Monday through Friday and on the weekends he had a booth at a flea market where he sold all kinds of things, from used appliances to things that might have "fallen off a truck." PLUS, he had become a locksmith by mail!!! So, he also made keys at the flea market and ultimately taught my brother and me how to use a key machine. Imagine seeing a 10 and 12 year old making keys for adults who were in disbelief that we were capable of this! We also became very versed at negotiation through this experienced. In a flea market setting, there are no set prices. People are there to bargain for the best price. My best training was watching my father haggle with a guy who wanted to buy a toaster for $3, but it was $5. He walked away angry when he didn't get the toaster for $3. The man came back 10 minutes later to buy it for $5. And father said: "It's now $10". The man was so angry and stomped off. My father laughed. He enjoyed the art of negotiation. It was a game to him. This was the quickest lesson ever in "supply and demand" economics!

My father was street smart, not book smart. He didn't finish 8th grade. Not because he was stupid. From what I understand my dad and his siblings had to also work at young ages because their parents died young during the Depression. There were 8 kids, including a toddler left behind to survive as a family. Being Italian and living in Chicago during the Depression it was pretty normal to do "odd jobs" for the mob. My grandfather was a bootlegger during prohibition before he died. Italian immigrants in Chicago were not first in line for legitimate jobs since the Irish got there first. Growing up, my dad and his siblings had some colorful situations as a result of growing up in this environment. I've heard many stories and I've heard there are many other stories that my father didn't want me to hear. My parents were pretty protective about what really happened "back in the day", but I can make some assumptions.

As a result of my father's "colorful" life there were things that happened in my childhood that affected my behavior as an adult, and no, I don't have things falling off trucks going on, in case that's what you're thinking! However, I do miss the designer clothes I had as a teen that never came from a store! Back to being "product of environment". Growing up we were not allowed to answer the door if someone rang the doorbell UNLESS we were expecting someone to come over. Today I'm guessing that's pretty normal with so much more crime, but still til this day I will not answer the door if I'm not expecting someone. It was ingrained in me. As was not accepting certified mail. And as child my father did not approve of my friends sleeping over. As a kid you just don't question those things. You just do as you're told. But then you continue that behavior as an adult without thinking twice while others look at you like you're crazy. Why did we do these things? Later in my teens I found out that we couldn't answer the door because it could be the "feds" or someone to serve my father a subpoena, we couldn't sign for certified mail in case of legal documents being served, we couldn't have sleep-overs because someone might be "casing us." So imagine this, my college degree came by certified mail, but I didn't know it since I wouldn't sign for it! For many years I was paranoid if my roommates had strangers come over because they might be "casing" me and I'm still paranoid about answering the door! How funny is this? It's just a natural reaction based on how I was raised. I'm certainly not in trouble with the "feds" (not that I know of)!

That stuff sounds silly, but again, I'm product of my environment, which also includes my father's ability to entertain people with his storytelling and his dry sense of humor, his huge heart to help others in bigger need than himself when he didn't have enough money help himself, his work ethic and passion for staying busy, his loyalty to people who were loyal to him, his stubborness, his creativity to have big ideas, his constant "scheming" on how to make money, and his never-ending supportive and encouraging spirit. When I told him that I wanted to go to college, he questioned it and said "Why go to college when you'll end up getting married and having kids?" And my response: "What if my husband loses his job and we can't feed the kids?" And his response: "Good point, but you'll have to find a way to pay for it yourself" and I did because that's what he trained me to do, without knowing it.

I would never trade my life experiences with something different. The environment I grew up in prepared me for the success I have today and for how to deal with life when there's no success. My environment taught me how to switch environments when needed. We have the power to change our environments and situations to whatever we see fit for our personal and professional success. There's no room for "cry babies" and that's a topic for another blog (how my father taught me how NOT to cry).

Are the things around you helping you toward success - or are they holding you back?

The Platinum Rule To Living

This turtle at the Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia, SC was relentless at poking at this crocodile, but the croc didn't seem to mind and clearly the turtle had established a good enough relationship that he could get away with being annoying.

Recently after an improv show, during a show debrief session, a player said, "Don't we all want to be a player that others want to play with?" For those in improv, you instantly understand what this means. But this question is a universal truth. Doesn't this translate to "Don't we all want people to like us, be with us, work with us, love us, marry us, tolerate us, learn from us, admire us?" No one wants to be "that guy" (or girl) - the office jerk who stabs you in the back, the spouse that cheats on you, the best friend who betrays you. I believe that the majority of us want to be someone who makes a contribution to the world and other people's lives, but sometimes we get lost in our own ego-centric needs and really those ego-centric needs lead back to the universal truths above. Unfortunately we don't always treat people the way they want or need to be treated and thus they no longer want to "play" with us. No one wants to be "on stage" with the guy or girl who cares too much about how they look and feel. We all want to be on stage with the person who makes us not just feel safe, but awesome about ourselves. We want to work and be with people who will support our ideas and feelings, saying "yes and" to us the whole way through.

How can we be better "players" in life, work, improv? Try the "Platinum Rule", something heavily emphasized in customer service training by my friend Eileen of The Meeting Institute. If you don't know what the Platinum Rule is, think of the Golden Rule with a twist.

• The Golden Rule: Treat others the way YOU want to be treated.
• The Platinum Rule: Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.

Now you ask, "How do I know how they want to be treated? I'm not a mind reader." Ah, we're better mind readers than we realize. To do this we have to actively listen to what people say and be hyperaware of their non-verbal communication (subtext, body language, emotions). And sometimes it couldn't hurt to just ask them what they need.

Re-train your brain and you too can be a better "player"!

Paying For Your Tire's Blow Job

Today I'm keeping it short and sweet even though what I'm talking about might sound like "hot air".

When's the last time you put air in your car tires? I'm a capitalist by all means. I have to be to survive as a small business owner. So, I totally appreciate great business ideas and opportunities to make a living. But I'm still baffled by the concept of paying for AIR. To fill your tires with air will cost at minimum $1.00 (in quarters) from one of those machines at the gas station. And it costs $2.00 for air to vacuum your car. I can understand the vacuum costs. Someone has to clean out that machine, so technically the operating costs to do so justify the expense. But blowing of air shouldn't cost so much and maybe that's why it's cheaper to get blown air than sucked air. Okay, I'm being a bit facetious. I clearly understand that the machine itself cost money for the gas station to purchase, thus shoving all those quarters into the machine helps cover the machine's overall operating costs. But maybe gas stations should thinking about giving away free blowing and sucking air as an amenity to their customers. Let's face it, we spent more than a dollar to put air in the tires because then I went into the gas station, bought a cup of coffee, a pack of gum and some candy. So technically that air cost $5.00. Maybe I would have spent more money if the air was free. Ya think? Next thing you know we'll be getting charged for friendly service with a smile. :-)

What have you paid for lately that you think should be free?

Customer Service is King ... or Queen

Last night we (Eileen Soisson of The Meeting Institute and I) held our first "Martini Meeting LIVE" event at TGIFridays. For those not familiar with the "Martini Meeting", we use to produce and host an internet radio show by the same name. The premise of this show was based on our real lives as women in business who get together to talk about every day small business challenges and successes while drinking martinis and yes, we drank on the show.  It was a blast. Due to our busy schedules we had to stop the shows, but we still have followers who wanted to get together in person to continue the concept, thus Martini Meeting LIVE.

Since we originally started these meetings at TGIFridays, we found it fitting to bring our new meetings back to where it all started. As per tradition, I started with my usual "Pink Punk" martini which is some sweet martini poured over cotton candy. So decadent!!! After one I switch to my usual chardonnay. I'm not going to say how many glasses of chardonnay I had, but let's just say that on my second glass the server brought me what looked like a wine sampling. There was barely any wine in this glass and before I could utter a word the server said, "I'm so sorry. We lost our wine opener and I poured you what we have until we find the opener." My first thought was "You have only one opener???" but I got distracted in conversation and didn't think too much about it. And then I noticed the server behind the bar, removing her coat, followed by pouring a glass of wine. She brought me that glass of wine and I said: "Did you go out to buy an opener?" And she said, "Yes, sorry again for the wait." That's what I call customer service! No excuses. No hassle. Just pure empowerment by management and good service. This might not seem like a big deal to most but as customer service trainers for Carolina Improv Company and TMI, Eileen and I look for these things to happen because we use them as examples in training presentations.

This situation is very different from my recent experience at Costco when I tried to buy a nutrition book. When the cashier tried to ring up my purchase she couldn't get the book to scan. The message on her register was "Not For Sale". So she had to call over a supervisor. The supervisor then informed me that they could not sell the book until the following Tuesday (four days later) and that I would have to return then. I was in such disbelief. I literally said to him: "So, I can't give you money today for this item?" and he said "No." Not even a sorry. No solution. No alternative (like an older publication). Nothing. I wasn't going to die without this book, but boy how many times has Costco lost money for an error like this? Clearly I didn't return to buy the book and not out of retailiation, but because my purchase was an impulse purchase, something that retailers thrive on for profitability. My impulse disappeared when I walked out. It would have probably been a different story if the product was chardonnay!!!

Thank you to our server Senaida and TGIFridays for awesome service!

From Zumba to Bingo. How Old Am I?

My father used to always say "Age is a state of mind." I loved that about him because didn't act his age. He didn't let age hold him back. The only time I saw him get irritated about age is when people would call him my grandfather. He was much older than my mother (25 years older) and he died at the age of 70 when I was only 22. It was THE hardest experience of my life, but I carry his characteristics with me every day -- those of always moving or doing something. In his words he liked to keep his mind active. Though he retired earlier than he wanted to because of his heart he always created little jobs for himself to keep that mind active. And if it wasn't for his heart I think he'd still be alive today.

Yesterday was a day of ironic activities or maybe I should say of activities that you would expect of more seniored individuals and I'm only 42.

The day ended with bingo. Not your average bingo one would expect, but bingo in a bar setting where people play bingo in teams, similar to a trivia night. Of course drinking is encouraged. What's really great is that bingo is far easier than trivia while drinking. And as crazy as this sounds, playing bingo really keeps one's brain active to have to keep track of all those cards and listen for the numbers and play the correct game of the moment. I never realized the value of bingo for brain activity. It's not that I've never played bingo before. I think maybe I just wasn't as hyperaware then. Improv has made me far more hyperaware of everything in my life.

Just prior to bingo, my friend Eileen came by for a business meeting which turned into a technology melt down of her computer and laptop and the ironic conversation about paper vs computer-based calendars. She has sworn by the Daytimer book calendar forever and announced she is going to ditch the calendar and rely strictly on the computer based calendars for planning. I announced I'm doing just the opposite since my Blackberry won't sync anymore. We laughed as we quickly became aware that we sounded like "old" people who couldn't adjust to technological changes!!!

And finally you should know that my day started with Zumba. Not any Zumba. It was Senior Zumba. My friend and colleague Marilou has been pushing me to go with her and I finally put it on my schedule. Since opening a theater, I hadn't worked out in 13 months and the time has come to get back in the exercise game. I LOVED this Zumba class. For one, I could keep up with this one after a 13 month hiatus. It was like Zumba Light or Zumba for Beginners. I've been in other classes where I thought I was going to have heart failure. This couldn't be more perfect. But what was even more invigorating was seeing all of these seniors in the class. It was inspiring. I want to be them, kind of like I want to be Betty White. However, the most inspiring to me is Marilou. I'm sure she won't like me mentioning her age, but I have to because I think she's amazing and inspirational. She's 66, gorgeous, a retired school teacher, Airforce wife, and busier than most CEOs. I've never met someone more active. She's an improviser, improv teacher and improv director for Carolina Improv Company, she sings with a singing group, she volunteers for her church, she has her own one-woman comedy show, is married and has grand children. Sitting still is NOT in her vocabulary. Then I look at my mother who is one month older than Marilou and see someone who appears 20 years older (thank goodness my mother doesn't read blogs).

I've often heard people say that it keeps one young to hang out with younger people and I agree with that, but yesterday I learned that it keeps one young to hang out with older people who refuse to get old and to hang out with young people who embrace new ideas!

Treat People Like Superheros and They Could Become Superstars!

One of the first things we facilitate in Improv 101 at Carolina Improv Company is an exercise called "Superheros" in which the students come up with their own superhero names that personify them and for the other students to call them by (thank you Zach Ward and DSI Comedy Theater for this exercise). I l LOVE this exercise because I still see students who still call me by my name and referred to others by their names. Pretty cool! Treating each other like superheros and rockstarts is a major philosophy to be successful in improv when performing together but also when working together with others in general. If we treat others like they're awesome, there's a chance they'll start behaving awesome. I obviously know this since I teach it, but sometimes I forget to apply this fundamental in the rest of my life. I recently became frustrated when hearing "through the grapevine" about others talking negatively about me both behind my back and to my face in public forum. The public forum stuff is what really frustrates me. I'm human. My natural reaction is "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" Of course this often leads to thoughts like, "Oh, just wait. They'll get theirs one day."

But I was snapped back into place this past Sunday when our pastor's sermon was "Evil For Evil". In summary, it's not our jobs to rectify or even worry about the "evil" that has been done to us by others. Just because someone does something wrong to us doesn't mean we can justify doing something wrong to them. Nothing positive comes from that. Common sense right? Instead if we do something positive to someone being negative, something positive just might come from it ... EVENTUALLY. My friend Radha tried to explain this me scientifically over martinis (imagine that conversation) ... it's about protons and neutrons and both needing each other for balance ... something like that. Or you can also look at that concept of "Law of Attraction" - what you put out, you attract back. So, if you want to attract good, be good.

And then I received an email from my friend Eileen (who was also present for the proton/neutron/martini conversation) and she followed up with this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Treat a man as he is, as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be."

It all comes back to being Superheros & Rockstars!

Coffee and Cream flavored Cream for Your Coffee

Raindrops on rooftops and whiskers on kittens just may be a few of my favorite things, but GROCERY SHOPPING does NOT fall into this category at all. Actually I'm not a big fan of any type of shopping. Either I don't have the patience or maybe I'm a spoiled brat who would rather have someone else do it for me. OR there are many other things I'd rather be doing on a day off, like resting or seeing a movie or hanging out with friends. Anyway, grocery shopping is inevitable and that was Sunday's activity. The highlight of this most recent shopping experience was the visit to the the coffee creamer area. Not the powder creamer on the shelf, but the creamer in the refrigerated area. I was overwhelmed by the options in creamers. Let me first say that I don't use creamer. I drink my coffee black, the way I watched by father do so when I was a child (and I'm a daddy's girl). The only exception is if I go to Starbuck's, which used to be my guilty pleasure, and I'll order a "venti non-fat, sugar free carmel macchiato with an extra shot". I used to visit Starbuck's once (sometimes twice) a day until I started my own business and realized I needed that money to pay utilities and rent and other silly business expenses. Do the math at $5.00 a drink every day. Black coffee out of my home coffee pot has been working out just fine. Back to the creamer section, I stumbled onto it because I was really looking for the controversial alcohol-injected whip cream that people have been talking about, but no, it wasn't at this grocery store. So, I started going through these creamers thinking maybe I could find a substitute for my Starbuck's addiction. Not only did I find a "carmel macchiato" flavor creamer, but a "cafe latte" flavor. CAFE LATTE? Really? Unless I'm mistaken, the flavor of Cafe Latte is basically the flavor of coffee with cream. So, I could either buy this creamer, pour it into a coffee cup, microwave it and drink a whole cup of it OR I could just add a little milk to my black coffee and call it a day. What kind of coffee do you drink?