Success Through Attitude & Environment

William Clement Stone (May 4, 1902 – September 3, 2002), business man, philanthropist, Nobel Peace Prize nominee and co-author of “Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude” is the guy who said:

“You are a product of your environment. So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success - or are they holding you back?”

I'm a huge advocate of this and have been since my teens when my father (Carmen Trimarco, 1920-1990) retired after a heart attack. My father lived by a philosophy of "don't be a cry baby" and "work hard to get where you want to get." Being a daddy's girl, I lived to please my dad because I admired him so much. I'm so much like him and proud of that (with the exception of the cry baby thing - I still do that occasionally). My father was much older, as I've mentioned in other blogs, and this affected us financially when he got sick. At 14 I went out and got a job because I felt guilty asking my parents for money they didn't have to pay for things I wanted. At that point we only my father's social security, pension and my mom's tip money from waiting tables to live on ... plus anything that might have "fallen off a truck". More about that later.


My father, Carmen Trimarco (1920-1990)


I was no stranger to working at 14. That wasn't my first job. My first job was working in a flea market at 11 or 12 (or younger?). My father was what I call a "hustler" - he hustled to put food on the table. He drove a truck from 9-5 Monday through Friday and on the weekends he had a booth at a flea market where he sold all kinds of things, from used appliances to things that might have "fallen off a truck." PLUS, he had become a locksmith by mail!!! So, he also made keys at the flea market and ultimately taught my brother and me how to use a key machine. Imagine seeing a 10 and 12 year old making keys for adults who were in disbelief that we were capable of this! We also became very versed at negotiation through this experienced. In a flea market setting, there are no set prices. People are there to bargain for the best price. My best training was watching my father haggle with a guy who wanted to buy a toaster for $3, but it was $5. He walked away angry when he didn't get the toaster for $3. The man came back 10 minutes later to buy it for $5. And father said: "It's now $10". The man was so angry and stomped off. My father laughed. He enjoyed the art of negotiation. It was a game to him. This was the quickest lesson ever in "supply and demand" economics!

My father was street smart, not book smart. He didn't finish 8th grade. Not because he was stupid. From what I understand my dad and his siblings had to also work at young ages because their parents died young during the Depression. There were 8 kids, including a toddler left behind to survive as a family. Being Italian and living in Chicago during the Depression it was pretty normal to do "odd jobs" for the mob. My grandfather was a bootlegger during prohibition before he died. Italian immigrants in Chicago were not first in line for legitimate jobs since the Irish got there first. Growing up, my dad and his siblings had some colorful situations as a result of growing up in this environment. I've heard many stories and I've heard there are many other stories that my father didn't want me to hear. My parents were pretty protective about what really happened "back in the day", but I can make some assumptions.

As a result of my father's "colorful" life there were things that happened in my childhood that affected my behavior as an adult, and no, I don't have things falling off trucks going on, in case that's what you're thinking! However, I do miss the designer clothes I had as a teen that never came from a store! Back to being "product of environment". Growing up we were not allowed to answer the door if someone rang the doorbell UNLESS we were expecting someone to come over. Today I'm guessing that's pretty normal with so much more crime, but still til this day I will not answer the door if I'm not expecting someone. It was ingrained in me. As was not accepting certified mail. And as child my father did not approve of my friends sleeping over. As a kid you just don't question those things. You just do as you're told. But then you continue that behavior as an adult without thinking twice while others look at you like you're crazy. Why did we do these things? Later in my teens I found out that we couldn't answer the door because it could be the "feds" or someone to serve my father a subpoena, we couldn't sign for certified mail in case of legal documents being served, we couldn't have sleep-overs because someone might be "casing us." So imagine this, my college degree came by certified mail, but I didn't know it since I wouldn't sign for it! For many years I was paranoid if my roommates had strangers come over because they might be "casing" me and I'm still paranoid about answering the door! How funny is this? It's just a natural reaction based on how I was raised. I'm certainly not in trouble with the "feds" (not that I know of)!

That stuff sounds silly, but again, I'm product of my environment, which also includes my father's ability to entertain people with his storytelling and his dry sense of humor, his huge heart to help others in bigger need than himself when he didn't have enough money help himself, his work ethic and passion for staying busy, his loyalty to people who were loyal to him, his stubborness, his creativity to have big ideas, his constant "scheming" on how to make money, and his never-ending supportive and encouraging spirit. When I told him that I wanted to go to college, he questioned it and said "Why go to college when you'll end up getting married and having kids?" And my response: "What if my husband loses his job and we can't feed the kids?" And his response: "Good point, but you'll have to find a way to pay for it yourself" and I did because that's what he trained me to do, without knowing it.

I would never trade my life experiences with something different. The environment I grew up in prepared me for the success I have today and for how to deal with life when there's no success. My environment taught me how to switch environments when needed. We have the power to change our environments and situations to whatever we see fit for our personal and professional success. There's no room for "cry babies" and that's a topic for another blog (how my father taught me how NOT to cry).

Are the things around you helping you toward success - or are they holding you back?

The Platinum Rule To Living

This turtle at the Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia, SC was relentless at poking at this crocodile, but the croc didn't seem to mind and clearly the turtle had established a good enough relationship that he could get away with being annoying.

Recently after an improv show, during a show debrief session, a player said, "Don't we all want to be a player that others want to play with?" For those in improv, you instantly understand what this means. But this question is a universal truth. Doesn't this translate to "Don't we all want people to like us, be with us, work with us, love us, marry us, tolerate us, learn from us, admire us?" No one wants to be "that guy" (or girl) - the office jerk who stabs you in the back, the spouse that cheats on you, the best friend who betrays you. I believe that the majority of us want to be someone who makes a contribution to the world and other people's lives, but sometimes we get lost in our own ego-centric needs and really those ego-centric needs lead back to the universal truths above. Unfortunately we don't always treat people the way they want or need to be treated and thus they no longer want to "play" with us. No one wants to be "on stage" with the guy or girl who cares too much about how they look and feel. We all want to be on stage with the person who makes us not just feel safe, but awesome about ourselves. We want to work and be with people who will support our ideas and feelings, saying "yes and" to us the whole way through.

How can we be better "players" in life, work, improv? Try the "Platinum Rule", something heavily emphasized in customer service training by my friend Eileen of The Meeting Institute. If you don't know what the Platinum Rule is, think of the Golden Rule with a twist.

• The Golden Rule: Treat others the way YOU want to be treated.
• The Platinum Rule: Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.

Now you ask, "How do I know how they want to be treated? I'm not a mind reader." Ah, we're better mind readers than we realize. To do this we have to actively listen to what people say and be hyperaware of their non-verbal communication (subtext, body language, emotions). And sometimes it couldn't hurt to just ask them what they need.

Re-train your brain and you too can be a better "player"!

Paying For Your Tire's Blow Job

Today I'm keeping it short and sweet even though what I'm talking about might sound like "hot air".

When's the last time you put air in your car tires? I'm a capitalist by all means. I have to be to survive as a small business owner. So, I totally appreciate great business ideas and opportunities to make a living. But I'm still baffled by the concept of paying for AIR. To fill your tires with air will cost at minimum $1.00 (in quarters) from one of those machines at the gas station. And it costs $2.00 for air to vacuum your car. I can understand the vacuum costs. Someone has to clean out that machine, so technically the operating costs to do so justify the expense. But blowing of air shouldn't cost so much and maybe that's why it's cheaper to get blown air than sucked air. Okay, I'm being a bit facetious. I clearly understand that the machine itself cost money for the gas station to purchase, thus shoving all those quarters into the machine helps cover the machine's overall operating costs. But maybe gas stations should thinking about giving away free blowing and sucking air as an amenity to their customers. Let's face it, we spent more than a dollar to put air in the tires because then I went into the gas station, bought a cup of coffee, a pack of gum and some candy. So technically that air cost $5.00. Maybe I would have spent more money if the air was free. Ya think? Next thing you know we'll be getting charged for friendly service with a smile. :-)

What have you paid for lately that you think should be free?

Experiential Treatment

Today's blog is inspired by Flying Fish Public Market & Grill, a restaurant in Myrtle Beach. We had dinner there last night before our improv show for Carolina Improv Company. As an entertainer and as someone who has worked in entertainment marketing for many years, I've been trained to "provide the consumer with an experience". It's not just about attending an event. It's about creating an emotion that creates lifelong memories which ultimately can positively affect a company's bottom line (or negatively if the experience was bad).

Come to think of it, my life as it is today (and has been since I was a teen) has been based on my first experience as an audience member at Second City in Chicago. I saw my first improv show as a teenager and fell in love with it because of how the players made me feel by engaging me. From there I took improv classes, changed my major from accounting to communications and started a career in radio/television/film. And today I own two companies that revolve around improv ... and all from that experience that "moved" me as a teenager. And the word "move" comes from the latin word "emovere", which means to create an emotion. As human beings we make more decisions based on emotions than we care to admit. We hunger for positive emotional experiences to connect us, to create meaning and purpose.

Back to Flying Fish Public Market & Grill, some of you may have seen videos about fish markets that throw fish around while singing. It's what brings customers into the market - it's entertaining, it makes the mundane activity of shopping for fish a fun activity. It's added value to the purchase. At this Flying Fish restaurant, I watched the same type of thing going on. The manager was showing a more seniored customer how to throw a large fish at one of the guys in the kitchen. She was adorable, perfectly dressed for a classy night out and there she was with latex gloves on, getting ready to throw a fish, all while her husband and another couple were taking pictures and other restaurant guests were watching. While this may sound silly to some, I watched the husband gratefully thank the manager for this. There was something in his eye that was emotional about the experience his wife was having. Call me a romantic, but he was touched to see his wife experience this moment. They will always remember that restaurant and better yet will probably return.

We try to do the same thing in Uptown with Carolina Improv Company, especially with children. When kids make suggestions that get used in the show, the look of delight on their faces is overwhelming. There is nothing more exciting to them. And the parents are more thrilled to see their children so happy. We've had parents tell us that their kids said the highlight of their vacation was seeing our show. Isn't that what it's all about? Parents wanting to give the best experiences to their children AND look like rockstars to their kids? We all have that emotional need to be loved by children, parents, spouses, etc.

If you're a business owner or work for a company that strives to retain repeat business, what are YOU doing to create an experience for your customers/clients? What are you doing to create an emotion or "move" them to love you?

Customer with manager at Flying Fish in Myrtle Beach

Improv From The Mall - A life changing experience

Today another Improv 301 (Characters) class ended, also ending a series of Saturday mornings of me teaching. This group of students started out with 101 in June and stuck together as a group throughout the classes. What I never expected about teaching was how much I was going to love it. The true pleasure comes from watching people grow, evolve and make new relationships. It was kind of sad seeing it end today. The other awesome thing about teaching, especially 301, is our theater's location in a mall, especially on Saturdays. Yes, a mall. A mall with a Bass Pro Shop! Yes, a Bass Pro Shop, amongst a golf shop, peanut store, Victoria's Secret, phone kiosks and more! We keep our curtains open during the day. Call it shameless marketing if you must. I call it an opportunity to sit in fish bowl and watch others while they watch us. I never intended to teach with the curtains open. It just happened that way when our curtains weren't ready when we opened the theater. Another fine example of "yes, and". We had to open without those curtains and as a result we learned that there are so many advantages to keeping them open. Besides the obvious marketing advantages, it has taught students to quickly get over their fear of people watching them. People stop and stare in at us like we're animals in a zoo. This isn't always so comfortable for 101 students, but 301 students evolve to a place of egging it on, by waving at people and taking on even bolder initiations for the attention of the stranger at the window. In character development specifically, the mall has become my biggest teaching resource for students to study people for character ideas. I have even gotten so bold as a teacher to send students off into the food court in character as a group, pushing them to interact with each other and strangers as the characters they developed in an exercise called "character walk."

Even now as I sit here writing, I'm watching the many people in camoflage walking to and from Bass Pro, some with fishing poles, some with gun bags, some without teeth, some with mullets. I can't make this stuff up! If I got a nickel for every piece of camo that walked by, I'd be doing improv for free every day instead of most days. I swear people have walked into our theater and said (imagine the voice of someone in "Deliverance"), "What is this place here?" And I respond with the standard "Comedy Club" response. (I used to say "Improv Comedy Club") and I'd hear, "What is this IMPROVE place? What things do you improve?" Anyway, once when I gave the standard "comedy club" response, these guys in camo said, "What's a comedy club? We're not from around here." True story.

Again, I can't make this stuff up and I so appreciate the many walks of life that pass our door, especially when one of them takes a chance to jump into the improv pool and see a show and watch that experience change their life. And while I momentarily mock some of these stereotypical folks, I'm grateful for the opportunity, with the help of  DSI Comedy Theater, to bring an artform to a community that never knew it until Carolina Improv Company and Uptown Theater were born here in what we affectionately call "The Redneck Riviera" or "Mayberry at the Beach." Hmmm...sounds like titles for new improv shows!

Being from Chicago where improv is as popular as Starbucks on every corner, I was starving to have improv back in my life since it was the foundation of my career in entertainment marketing. I knew at the young age of 19 that I would never get rich from it but it always found a way back to me as a source of comfort, creativity, attitude re-adjustment and so much more. And now, it's a source of gratification to share it with others ... even if it's from the confines of a mall in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Give me some sweet tea, a gun rack, some grits and I'll call you darlin' while mumbling "bless your heart" under my breath. Now what I need is more than 3 Starbuck's in one town

(and 1 is in the Tar-zhay)!

Improv 301 students "finding the game"



Uptown Theater @ Myrtle Beach Mall



Customer Service is King ... or Queen

Last night we (Eileen Soisson of The Meeting Institute and I) held our first "Martini Meeting LIVE" event at TGIFridays. For those not familiar with the "Martini Meeting", we use to produce and host an internet radio show by the same name. The premise of this show was based on our real lives as women in business who get together to talk about every day small business challenges and successes while drinking martinis and yes, we drank on the show.  It was a blast. Due to our busy schedules we had to stop the shows, but we still have followers who wanted to get together in person to continue the concept, thus Martini Meeting LIVE.

Since we originally started these meetings at TGIFridays, we found it fitting to bring our new meetings back to where it all started. As per tradition, I started with my usual "Pink Punk" martini which is some sweet martini poured over cotton candy. So decadent!!! After one I switch to my usual chardonnay. I'm not going to say how many glasses of chardonnay I had, but let's just say that on my second glass the server brought me what looked like a wine sampling. There was barely any wine in this glass and before I could utter a word the server said, "I'm so sorry. We lost our wine opener and I poured you what we have until we find the opener." My first thought was "You have only one opener???" but I got distracted in conversation and didn't think too much about it. And then I noticed the server behind the bar, removing her coat, followed by pouring a glass of wine. She brought me that glass of wine and I said: "Did you go out to buy an opener?" And she said, "Yes, sorry again for the wait." That's what I call customer service! No excuses. No hassle. Just pure empowerment by management and good service. This might not seem like a big deal to most but as customer service trainers for Carolina Improv Company and TMI, Eileen and I look for these things to happen because we use them as examples in training presentations.

This situation is very different from my recent experience at Costco when I tried to buy a nutrition book. When the cashier tried to ring up my purchase she couldn't get the book to scan. The message on her register was "Not For Sale". So she had to call over a supervisor. The supervisor then informed me that they could not sell the book until the following Tuesday (four days later) and that I would have to return then. I was in such disbelief. I literally said to him: "So, I can't give you money today for this item?" and he said "No." Not even a sorry. No solution. No alternative (like an older publication). Nothing. I wasn't going to die without this book, but boy how many times has Costco lost money for an error like this? Clearly I didn't return to buy the book and not out of retailiation, but because my purchase was an impulse purchase, something that retailers thrive on for profitability. My impulse disappeared when I walked out. It would have probably been a different story if the product was chardonnay!!!

Thank you to our server Senaida and TGIFridays for awesome service!

From Zumba to Bingo. How Old Am I?

My father used to always say "Age is a state of mind." I loved that about him because didn't act his age. He didn't let age hold him back. The only time I saw him get irritated about age is when people would call him my grandfather. He was much older than my mother (25 years older) and he died at the age of 70 when I was only 22. It was THE hardest experience of my life, but I carry his characteristics with me every day -- those of always moving or doing something. In his words he liked to keep his mind active. Though he retired earlier than he wanted to because of his heart he always created little jobs for himself to keep that mind active. And if it wasn't for his heart I think he'd still be alive today.

Yesterday was a day of ironic activities or maybe I should say of activities that you would expect of more seniored individuals and I'm only 42.

The day ended with bingo. Not your average bingo one would expect, but bingo in a bar setting where people play bingo in teams, similar to a trivia night. Of course drinking is encouraged. What's really great is that bingo is far easier than trivia while drinking. And as crazy as this sounds, playing bingo really keeps one's brain active to have to keep track of all those cards and listen for the numbers and play the correct game of the moment. I never realized the value of bingo for brain activity. It's not that I've never played bingo before. I think maybe I just wasn't as hyperaware then. Improv has made me far more hyperaware of everything in my life.

Just prior to bingo, my friend Eileen came by for a business meeting which turned into a technology melt down of her computer and laptop and the ironic conversation about paper vs computer-based calendars. She has sworn by the Daytimer book calendar forever and announced she is going to ditch the calendar and rely strictly on the computer based calendars for planning. I announced I'm doing just the opposite since my Blackberry won't sync anymore. We laughed as we quickly became aware that we sounded like "old" people who couldn't adjust to technological changes!!!

And finally you should know that my day started with Zumba. Not any Zumba. It was Senior Zumba. My friend and colleague Marilou has been pushing me to go with her and I finally put it on my schedule. Since opening a theater, I hadn't worked out in 13 months and the time has come to get back in the exercise game. I LOVED this Zumba class. For one, I could keep up with this one after a 13 month hiatus. It was like Zumba Light or Zumba for Beginners. I've been in other classes where I thought I was going to have heart failure. This couldn't be more perfect. But what was even more invigorating was seeing all of these seniors in the class. It was inspiring. I want to be them, kind of like I want to be Betty White. However, the most inspiring to me is Marilou. I'm sure she won't like me mentioning her age, but I have to because I think she's amazing and inspirational. She's 66, gorgeous, a retired school teacher, Airforce wife, and busier than most CEOs. I've never met someone more active. She's an improviser, improv teacher and improv director for Carolina Improv Company, she sings with a singing group, she volunteers for her church, she has her own one-woman comedy show, is married and has grand children. Sitting still is NOT in her vocabulary. Then I look at my mother who is one month older than Marilou and see someone who appears 20 years older (thank goodness my mother doesn't read blogs).

I've often heard people say that it keeps one young to hang out with younger people and I agree with that, but yesterday I learned that it keeps one young to hang out with older people who refuse to get old and to hang out with young people who embrace new ideas!

Treat People Like Superheros and They Could Become Superstars!

One of the first things we facilitate in Improv 101 at Carolina Improv Company is an exercise called "Superheros" in which the students come up with their own superhero names that personify them and for the other students to call them by (thank you Zach Ward and DSI Comedy Theater for this exercise). I l LOVE this exercise because I still see students who still call me by my name and referred to others by their names. Pretty cool! Treating each other like superheros and rockstarts is a major philosophy to be successful in improv when performing together but also when working together with others in general. If we treat others like they're awesome, there's a chance they'll start behaving awesome. I obviously know this since I teach it, but sometimes I forget to apply this fundamental in the rest of my life. I recently became frustrated when hearing "through the grapevine" about others talking negatively about me both behind my back and to my face in public forum. The public forum stuff is what really frustrates me. I'm human. My natural reaction is "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" Of course this often leads to thoughts like, "Oh, just wait. They'll get theirs one day."

But I was snapped back into place this past Sunday when our pastor's sermon was "Evil For Evil". In summary, it's not our jobs to rectify or even worry about the "evil" that has been done to us by others. Just because someone does something wrong to us doesn't mean we can justify doing something wrong to them. Nothing positive comes from that. Common sense right? Instead if we do something positive to someone being negative, something positive just might come from it ... EVENTUALLY. My friend Radha tried to explain this me scientifically over martinis (imagine that conversation) ... it's about protons and neutrons and both needing each other for balance ... something like that. Or you can also look at that concept of "Law of Attraction" - what you put out, you attract back. So, if you want to attract good, be good.

And then I received an email from my friend Eileen (who was also present for the proton/neutron/martini conversation) and she followed up with this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Treat a man as he is, as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be."

It all comes back to being Superheros & Rockstars!

Coffee and Cream flavored Cream for Your Coffee

Raindrops on rooftops and whiskers on kittens just may be a few of my favorite things, but GROCERY SHOPPING does NOT fall into this category at all. Actually I'm not a big fan of any type of shopping. Either I don't have the patience or maybe I'm a spoiled brat who would rather have someone else do it for me. OR there are many other things I'd rather be doing on a day off, like resting or seeing a movie or hanging out with friends. Anyway, grocery shopping is inevitable and that was Sunday's activity. The highlight of this most recent shopping experience was the visit to the the coffee creamer area. Not the powder creamer on the shelf, but the creamer in the refrigerated area. I was overwhelmed by the options in creamers. Let me first say that I don't use creamer. I drink my coffee black, the way I watched by father do so when I was a child (and I'm a daddy's girl). The only exception is if I go to Starbuck's, which used to be my guilty pleasure, and I'll order a "venti non-fat, sugar free carmel macchiato with an extra shot". I used to visit Starbuck's once (sometimes twice) a day until I started my own business and realized I needed that money to pay utilities and rent and other silly business expenses. Do the math at $5.00 a drink every day. Black coffee out of my home coffee pot has been working out just fine. Back to the creamer section, I stumbled onto it because I was really looking for the controversial alcohol-injected whip cream that people have been talking about, but no, it wasn't at this grocery store. So, I started going through these creamers thinking maybe I could find a substitute for my Starbuck's addiction. Not only did I find a "carmel macchiato" flavor creamer, but a "cafe latte" flavor. CAFE LATTE? Really? Unless I'm mistaken, the flavor of Cafe Latte is basically the flavor of coffee with cream. So, I could either buy this creamer, pour it into a coffee cup, microwave it and drink a whole cup of it OR I could just add a little milk to my black coffee and call it a day. What kind of coffee do you drink?

Just One More Thing To Do - Blogging!

I feel like I have finally arrived to modern times. Facebook. Check. Twitter. Check. YouTube. Check. Two websites to manage. Check and check. This blogging thing has been following me like a black cloud over my head. Why has it taken me so long, one might wonder. Oh, it probably has something to do with starting up not one, but two companies since November 2008 (Carolina Improv Company and Uptown Theater). And yes I know how important having a blog is for a business as I've quickly learned the value of SEO for my websites, which ultimately affects profitability when marketing dollars are limited. But I became paralyzed over what this blog should be because frankly I didn't want it to feel like a job for me to update it. I want it to be my creative writing outlet. The truth is that my biggest passion is writing and I never seem to find time to do it. Forcing myself to create a blog will ultimately push me to write more. But more importantly, I'm inspired to blog because Facebook is constantly telling me that my updates are too long, forcing me to edit my thoughts. This blog is a work in progress with an attempt to reflect all parts of my life, both business and personal, which seem to be the same! Welcome to my blog!