The Platinum Rule To Living

This turtle at the Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia, SC was relentless at poking at this crocodile, but the croc didn't seem to mind and clearly the turtle had established a good enough relationship that he could get away with being annoying.

Recently after an improv show, during a show debrief session, a player said, "Don't we all want to be a player that others want to play with?" For those in improv, you instantly understand what this means. But this question is a universal truth. Doesn't this translate to "Don't we all want people to like us, be with us, work with us, love us, marry us, tolerate us, learn from us, admire us?" No one wants to be "that guy" (or girl) - the office jerk who stabs you in the back, the spouse that cheats on you, the best friend who betrays you. I believe that the majority of us want to be someone who makes a contribution to the world and other people's lives, but sometimes we get lost in our own ego-centric needs and really those ego-centric needs lead back to the universal truths above. Unfortunately we don't always treat people the way they want or need to be treated and thus they no longer want to "play" with us. No one wants to be "on stage" with the guy or girl who cares too much about how they look and feel. We all want to be on stage with the person who makes us not just feel safe, but awesome about ourselves. We want to work and be with people who will support our ideas and feelings, saying "yes and" to us the whole way through.

How can we be better "players" in life, work, improv? Try the "Platinum Rule", something heavily emphasized in customer service training by my friend Eileen of The Meeting Institute. If you don't know what the Platinum Rule is, think of the Golden Rule with a twist.

• The Golden Rule: Treat others the way YOU want to be treated.
• The Platinum Rule: Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.

Now you ask, "How do I know how they want to be treated? I'm not a mind reader." Ah, we're better mind readers than we realize. To do this we have to actively listen to what people say and be hyperaware of their non-verbal communication (subtext, body language, emotions). And sometimes it couldn't hurt to just ask them what they need.

Re-train your brain and you too can be a better "player"!

Treat People Like Superheros and They Could Become Superstars!

One of the first things we facilitate in Improv 101 at Carolina Improv Company is an exercise called "Superheros" in which the students come up with their own superhero names that personify them and for the other students to call them by (thank you Zach Ward and DSI Comedy Theater for this exercise). I l LOVE this exercise because I still see students who still call me by my name and referred to others by their names. Pretty cool! Treating each other like superheros and rockstarts is a major philosophy to be successful in improv when performing together but also when working together with others in general. If we treat others like they're awesome, there's a chance they'll start behaving awesome. I obviously know this since I teach it, but sometimes I forget to apply this fundamental in the rest of my life. I recently became frustrated when hearing "through the grapevine" about others talking negatively about me both behind my back and to my face in public forum. The public forum stuff is what really frustrates me. I'm human. My natural reaction is "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" Of course this often leads to thoughts like, "Oh, just wait. They'll get theirs one day."

But I was snapped back into place this past Sunday when our pastor's sermon was "Evil For Evil". In summary, it's not our jobs to rectify or even worry about the "evil" that has been done to us by others. Just because someone does something wrong to us doesn't mean we can justify doing something wrong to them. Nothing positive comes from that. Common sense right? Instead if we do something positive to someone being negative, something positive just might come from it ... EVENTUALLY. My friend Radha tried to explain this me scientifically over martinis (imagine that conversation) ... it's about protons and neutrons and both needing each other for balance ... something like that. Or you can also look at that concept of "Law of Attraction" - what you put out, you attract back. So, if you want to attract good, be good.

And then I received an email from my friend Eileen (who was also present for the proton/neutron/martini conversation) and she followed up with this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Treat a man as he is, as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be."

It all comes back to being Superheros & Rockstars!