The Platinum Rule To Living

This turtle at the Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia, SC was relentless at poking at this crocodile, but the croc didn't seem to mind and clearly the turtle had established a good enough relationship that he could get away with being annoying.

Recently after an improv show, during a show debrief session, a player said, "Don't we all want to be a player that others want to play with?" For those in improv, you instantly understand what this means. But this question is a universal truth. Doesn't this translate to "Don't we all want people to like us, be with us, work with us, love us, marry us, tolerate us, learn from us, admire us?" No one wants to be "that guy" (or girl) - the office jerk who stabs you in the back, the spouse that cheats on you, the best friend who betrays you. I believe that the majority of us want to be someone who makes a contribution to the world and other people's lives, but sometimes we get lost in our own ego-centric needs and really those ego-centric needs lead back to the universal truths above. Unfortunately we don't always treat people the way they want or need to be treated and thus they no longer want to "play" with us. No one wants to be "on stage" with the guy or girl who cares too much about how they look and feel. We all want to be on stage with the person who makes us not just feel safe, but awesome about ourselves. We want to work and be with people who will support our ideas and feelings, saying "yes and" to us the whole way through.

How can we be better "players" in life, work, improv? Try the "Platinum Rule", something heavily emphasized in customer service training by my friend Eileen of The Meeting Institute. If you don't know what the Platinum Rule is, think of the Golden Rule with a twist.

• The Golden Rule: Treat others the way YOU want to be treated.
• The Platinum Rule: Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.

Now you ask, "How do I know how they want to be treated? I'm not a mind reader." Ah, we're better mind readers than we realize. To do this we have to actively listen to what people say and be hyperaware of their non-verbal communication (subtext, body language, emotions). And sometimes it couldn't hurt to just ask them what they need.

Re-train your brain and you too can be a better "player"!